Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart

That's just about how I feel right now, too soon old too late smart, with lots of things in my life. I never felt old, I never thought I was old, I never worried about getting, looking, or being old.

Not until I started feeling stupid.

I never often felt stupid until the past few months. Lately I've been feeling stupid and ignorant (which I acknowledge are two different things). Stupid about things I don't know that I should know, ignorant about things that I'm just naive or kept in the dark about. It's troubling me a bit.

I feel inadequate. Like I've made terrible mistakes parenting (way too late smart), with my education (too soon old, too late smart), in my relationships with men (the first one--too naive, too scared, too immature; the most recent--definitely too late smart, but also too much. Too much real.

Now I feel stupid. Makes me feel old. Too soon old.

Too late smart.