Friday, November 09, 2007

FREAKIN' WEIRD!!! (I've said that way too much lately)

I spent too much time I-surfing the last couple of days, beginning with trying to solve a keyboard problem and ending up with posting photos on a blog. Everything from music, photography, southern Indiana, Evansville, the STEELERS, and all kinds of stuff in between working.

So, today I was looking at a guy's blog at Yahoo 360 where he has all kinds of cool Pittsburgh Steelers stuff. I wanted to use some of his pictures,some hosted at 360 or flickr and some not, so I started thinking about how to do that legally, ethically, and whatever, and since I am not all that techno-savvy, I wondered if I even would be able to do it myself. So I went to Yahoo 360 and started surfing around. Got all kinds of photo sharing stuff, some within 360 some just from out there on the www. That's where the weirdness takes off on a wild ride; well, for me anyway.

Somewhere in the pictures and photography searches and stuff, one of the links for random photographers caught my eye. I had looked at a couple of other photography sites (even some great pictures of Italy!) and this one looked cool. I do not know why. So, it was lunch time and I just decided to continue to browse through his photo albums of all his different stuff. The miscellaneous pictures were cool and so I went through all the different subjects, down to the wedding ones. Clicking through the unique pictures capturing a bride and groom's special day, someone familiar caught my eye...."Hmmmm, I think I know her." Went to the next couple of pictures. Yep, I knew her and I recognized some others in the next couple of photos. I had been at that wedding. I didn't really know the bride, but had gone with a guy who was her cousin. (Yep to those in-the-know, that bagpipe wedding) But the freakin' weirdest thing of all was the next photo was a clever little shot of the opened guest book...with my name on it! Right there third from the bottom.

I have never seen pictures from this wedding. I had no idea they were anywhere online. It's been a little over a year ago! Except for the two of us, no one else around here was even there. It wasn't in this town or even in this state.

You can stop here, I mean, what a coincidence, right?! Or maybe it just is for me.

But the whole WHY part is even more personally intense. I didn't sign the book myself, but the guy I was with did and he put my name right there with his. WHY???! Add it to the list of why did any of that whole relationship even happen. The one that's been driving me crazy for the past year! And why did I randomly stumble upon this? And why today? One of those a-year-ago-today anniversary things that I'm trying to get past. Is it a punishment of sorts, and if so, for what? And am I suppose to be learning anything from it?

Why, oh, why, oh why? Yeah, I know. I stole that line from whiny ol' Eeyore.

Well, the shot of that guestbook page stopped me in my tracks, ripped out my heart, punched me in the gut, and--I will continue to be honest--made me say "Dear God, why?" He didn't answer. I really want to know why He's allowing these random memories and coincidences to stay so close. He's surely saying SOMETHING to me because he is not a mean, "Haha, this'll be funny" kind of guy, I don't think.

Just brings me back to thinking that there HAS to be closure in order to end this emotional fiasco. Coincidental reminders to clean up the darn mess. The sermon at CCJ last week about making nice (the title of Being A Good Citizen didn't quite sum it up, but, whatever) and this week's about Harmony and Wed night's lesson about serving and making nice with those who hurt you. AGGGHHHHH! I want to, I've been trying!

Maybe no one but me really gets the whole complete weirdness of all of this. And I could never explain it all to anyone else, so I won't try any further. It's just weird. Trust me. Freakin' weird.


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